Kane Wins Ballon d’Or; Perth Five-a-Side Player Awards Himself the ‘Ballon d’Ochil’ for Scoring Once in October
England captain takes football's top individual prize. A Thursday-night player at Bell's says his award is 'equally prestigious, locally'.
A ball on a pitch, the stuff of Ballon d'Or dreams and Thursday-night five-a-side. Photo: Wpcpey, “Kwu Tung Grass Pitch 201708”, via Wikimedia Commons, CC BY 4.0
Harry Kane has won the Ballon d’Or, and a Perth five-a-side player has decided not to be left out.
“I scored once in October,” said the 46-year-old striker, who plays every Thursday night. “Well, it went in off my knee. Well, it went in off Gary’s knee and then my knee. But it went in. So I’ve given myself the Ballon d’Ochil.”
The award, a football painted gold with a can of spray paint from a garage in Inveralmond, was presented by his wife, who said she “just wanted it out of the kitchen”.
His teammates were less sure. “He hasn’t run since 2014,” said one. “He stands by the post and waits. It’s not tactics. It’s his knees.”
Kane’s people have been contacted for comment. The Ballon d’Ochil winner says he is “open to a chat about a joint photo”.
The real story: BBC Sport
Letters to the Editor
The views expressed are those of the reader, and frankly that's on them.
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It went in off my knee first. I’ll be wanting a share of the Ballon d’Ochil.
— Gary L., Perth, 31 October 2026 -
It’s still in the kitchen. Please come and get it.
— Sandra M., Inveralmond, 31 October 2026
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