“Scotland's Finest News Source, Allegedly”
The German has reached the top of the rankings. In Perth, a man who was top of the club ladder for two weeks in 2011 has offered some advice.
The Gunners' players say the pressure of a title race is something to enjoy. Perth's football supporters say they could have told them that, and given them a pie.
Hibernian will face Rangers in the final. A Perth man who changes allegiance every time the score changes has been told to lie down.
The Bairns ended a long wait. In Perth, the Tuesday night side at the sports centre took notes, and bought new bibs.
Max Verstappen won the race in Mexico, but the title went to the young Mercedes driver. Lewis Hamilton says Ferrari need some 'serious talks'.
Nine points from seven games and pundits are talking about the drop. In Perth, glory hunters consider the unthinkable: supporting their local team.
Canelo Álvarez beat Mbilli overnight. In a Perth gym, a pensioner shadow-boxes against the TV and declares a draw.
Lewis Hamilton starts tonight's Mexico City Grand Prix from the front. In Perth, a 2009 Panda has been washed in his honour.
Naderi's goal sends Rangers to the final. Hearts and Hibs meet today, and Perth pubs prepare to support whichever side has the nicer strips.
Kilmarnock 2-2 St Johnstone. Keeper sent off for handling outside the area, sub keeper heroics, and a manager who calls it 'chaos' and means it kindly.
Lights out? Smells nice. Now in Power Cut, Granny's Hall Cupboard and Wet Dog By The Fire. Never leave a lit candle unattended, even a funny one.
Feeling a bit leany? Restores posture to stacks, steeples and uncles after weddings. Consult a qualified professional. Seriously. — Kinnoull Vitality Co.