Tourism
Perthshire Visitor Levy Expanded to Include Midges, Who Account for 94% of All Overnight Stays
Council estimates swarms could generate £8 billion a year 'if we can just get them to fill out the form'.
Breaking · Politics
Perth and Kinross Council Insists It Will Not Be Merged With Dundee 'While There Is Still Breath in Its Body and Money in the Biscuit Tin'
Officials barricade themselves inside council HQ with a 2019 budget, three staplers and the ceremonial Thimblerow swimming pool plans.
Council staff practise forming a defensive circle around a laminated map of Kinross-shire. Photo: Perthetic Staff (a man with a phone)
Development
Perth West Masterplan Promises 1,500 Homes, an Innovation Highway and, for the First Time, a Way Across the A9 That Doesn't Involve Prayer
30-year city expansion begins with an underpass, which locals describe as 'the most romantic thing the council has ever done'.
Environment
Craigie Burn Formally Consulted on Its Own Flood Protection Scheme, Says It 'Will Do What It Wants'
Burn attends community drop-in session at Moncreiffe Halls, leaves damp patch on carpet and refuses to sign the comment form.
Culture
Pitlochry and Crieff Lose Town of Culture Bid to Grimsby, Vow to Become Even More Cultured Out of Spite
Both towns announce 'aggressive' programme of poetry readings, interpretive ceilidh and a giant knitted salmon visible from space.
Energy
Crieff Turbine Plan Revised: Eight 200m Turbines Replaced With One Very Large Man Blowing Steadily
Developers say the 'Human Wind Solution' would be visible from Fowlis Wester 'but in a more relatable way'.
Business
Blairgowrie Granted First McDonald's, Immediately Asks If It Can Do a Raspberry McFlurry 'Since We Basically Invented Raspberries'
Town's berry growers demand a seat on the McDonald's global menu board.
Local
Taymouth Castle 'Operations Village' Approved With Staff Gym but NO Sawmill, Leaving Kenmore Woodworkers Bereft
Locals had hoped for at least a modest sawmill 'for morale'.
Transport
M90 Contraflow at Milnathort Enters Third Week; Drivers Begin Forming Small Self-Governing Communities
Northbound lane establishes its own parliament; southbound lane declares independence and starts minting coins.
Sport
St Johnstone Win at Pittodrie With One Shot on Target, Announce Plans to Phase Out the Other Shots Entirely
Manager hails 'efficiency revolution'; club to sell the spare footballs.
Sport
McDiarmid Park East Stand Electrical Fault Traced to Single Kettle Used by All 2,000 Fans at Once
Engineers say stand 'was never designed to cope with that much Bovril'.
Education
Council's October Holiday Den-Building Session at North Inch Ends With Children Declaring Independent Den State
Den now has a flag, a border and a strict no-adults policy; council negotiators sent in with juice.
Politics
Perth's Traffic Cones Granted Permanent Residency After Living in the City Longer Than Most Councillors
Cones on York Place, Caledonian Road and King's Place to receive voting rights, a council tax band and, in some cases, a small pension.
Transport
20mph Rollout Completed Across 135 Communities; Council Immediately Announces Plans for 15mph, 10mph and 'Just Get Out and Push'
Final phase in Blairgowrie, Bridge of Earn and Bankfoot hailed as 'a stepping stone towards total stillness'.
Sport
Snail Wins Inaugural Bankfoot 20mph Grand Prix After Overtaking Vauxhall on Final Bend
Gastropod 'Gary' celebrates on podium; driver lodges appeal claiming snail 'clearly exceeded the limit'.
Weather
Met Office Issues Yellow Warning for 'Low-Level Persistent Damp of the Soul' Across Perthshire
Forecasters predict 'the kind of rain you don't notice until your socks know'.
Weather
Perth Weather Forecast Replaced With Single Word 'Aye' to Save Costs
Council says new system is '100% accurate, depending on tone of voice'.
Opinion
I've Lived in Perth 40 Years and I Still Don't Know Which Inch Is Which
North? South? Does it matter? A personal reckoning with the city's most confusing parks.
Opinion
Perth's Roadworks Are the Only Thing That Still Brings Us Together, and I Won't Hear a Word Against Them
In an age of division, nothing unites a city like being stuck on Dundee Road behind a multiphase signal.
Opinion
As a 20mph Sign in Rattray, I Would Like to Address My Critics
'I did not ask to be put on a pole. But here I am, and I will not be shouted at.'
Tourism
VisitScotland Launches Official 'Perth Cone Trail' as Roadworks Become City's Top Visitor Attraction
Tourists from as far as Japan and Fife flock to photograph King's Place's world-famous four-way temporary signals.
Local
Dunkeld Road Pothole Granted Category A Heritage Listing, Now Officially Older Than the Fair Maid's House
Historic Environment Scotland describes crater as 'a site of exceptional cultural and suspension-damaging significance'.
Obituaries for Shops
OBITUARY: Bargain Bonanza, Kinross, 2011–2026. Beloved Pound Shop Passes Away Peacefully After Prices Rose to £1.75
Shop was famous for selling everything, including several things no one had ever seen before or since.
Obituaries for Shops
OBITUARY: Reel Time Video, Crieff, 1987–2026. Last Remaining Video Shop in Scotland Dies After Discovering Netflix
Shop had been unaware of the existence of streaming until a customer mentioned it last Tuesday.
Obituaries for Shops
OBITUARY: Duncan's Hardware, Perth, 1952–2026. Shop That Sold Single Screws Dies, Leaving City Unable to Buy One Screw
Residents now forced to buy screws in packs of 400 from a retail park 'like animals'.