Residents Cut Off by Six-Week Crieff Road Closure Develop Own Dialect, Currency and Mild Suspicion of Perth

By Euan Kidd, Waterways & Grievances Reporter

PERTH — Residents living along the stretch of Crieff Road closed since early September for an urgent gas repair say the six-week isolation has fundamentally changed them, and they are no longer sure they want the road back.

“At first we were annoyed,” said Collinson View resident Angela McGregor, 49. “Then we adapted. Now we have our own economy. We trade in bin bags and Tupperware. We’ve elected a mayor. He’s a nine-year-old called Jamie, and frankly he’s doing a better job than most.”

The emergency closure, listed by the council as “ongoing”, has left the community separated from central Perth by a single row of barriers, which locals have begun calling “the Wall”.

Linguists from the University of the Highlands and Islands visited last week and confirmed the residents have started to develop their own dialect, characterised by long pauses, a new word for ‘detour’ (“a Feusie”), and pronouncing “SGN” with real venom.

“I asked a woman how she was,” said one researcher. “She said ‘Och, closed.’ I think that’s now just how they say ‘fine.'”

Visitors from outside have reported a cool reception. “I went to deliver a parcel,” said one courier. “They asked me for my papers, my postcode and where I stood on the Inches. I said North. Wrong answer. I had to leave the parcel at the border.”

Gas engineers say the repair is progressing. “These things take time,” said one, from inside a very deep hole. “Also, they’ve started bringing us soup. It’s hard to leave somewhere that brings you soup.”

Asked what would happen when the road finally reopens, McGregor was uncertain. “We’ll take a vote,” she said. “If it’s close, Jamie decides. He wants it to stay shut and turned into a skate park.”

The real story: PKC roadworks list: emergency closure of A85 Crieff Road, Feus Road to Collinson View, Perth, since 7 Sep 2026 (ongoing, gas escape)