Aberfeldy Has Got Texas. Perth Should Twin With Perth, Australia. They Have the Sunshine, We Have the Original Name, and It Would Save on Signs

By our Twinning Columnist

Aberfeldy has gone and twinned itself with a village in Texas. Good for Aberfeldy. But it has made me think: who should Perth twin with?

The answer is obvious. Perth, Western Australia.

Consider the advantages. We would never have to change any of the signs. Every letter between the two cities would arrive at the right place at least half the time. When anyone searches the internet for “Perth weather”, half of them would get sunshine, which would be good for tourism, and half of them would get drizzle, which would be good for honesty.

They have beaches, kangaroos and a river called the Swan. We have the Tay, a bus station and actual swans. They have 3,000 hours of sunshine a year. We have a very good bakery on South Street.

I know what people will say. “Perth, Australia, was named after us. Twinning with them would be like twinning with your own photograph.” To that I say: exactly. Who doesn’t want a sunburnt photograph of themselves who owns a boat?

There is also the matter of house prices. Perth, Australia, has recently seen its house prices fall. Perth, Scotland, has offered them the use of our own housing market, which has been extremely calm about all this for many years.

I have written to the Lord Provost. I have written to the Lord Mayor of Perth, WA. Neither has replied. I take this as a sign that they are both thinking about it very hard.

The real story: Perth, WA house prices (The West Australian)