“Scotland's Finest News Source, Allegedly”
Derek Shand, 58, says it is the best investment he has ever made. 'It went down, but it went down very nicely.'
Jean Kerr, 77, says the Met Office is all very well, but her tea towels have never once been wrong.
Gordon Fyfe, 66, knows that Angus is cheaper than Perth and Kinross, and that Dundee is dearer. He would like to tell you about it.
Isobel Rattray has five sons, four motorbikes between them and a kettle that has boiled about 40,000 times since 1985.
Morris Lennie, 74, has waited 39 years for a reason to wear his cowboy hat. The Texas twinning has given him one.
Derek Gow, 66, has been given a tie every Christmas and birthday since 1971. He hears America has declared them dead.
Isobel Kerr comes off her line every time, and says Saints' manager has 'finally caught up'.
Graham Doig, 61, says he's never quite found the right moment. He's had several very nice moments, but not the right one.
Elsie Patterson, 74, turned her clocks back this morning. She says she's 'never been so punctual in her life'.
Hamish Brodie, 68, keeps a notebook of every roll, by length, flake and 'meat-to-pastry ratio'.
Lights out? Smells nice. Now in Power Cut, Granny's Hall Cupboard and Wet Dog By The Fire. Never leave a lit candle unattended, even a funny one.
Feeling a bit leany? Restores posture to stacks, steeples and uncles after weddings. Consult a qualified professional. Seriously. — Kinnoull Vitality Co.