Tay Swans Agree to Stop Hissing at Tourists ‘On a Trial Basis’
Historic ceasefire negotiated with the help of a bag of frozen peas and a very calm man from Bridgend.
Swans on the River Tay at Perth, currently on their best behaviour. Photo: Stanley Howe, “Mute Swan on the Dee - geograph.org.uk - 4514698”, via Wikimedia Commons, CC BY-SA 2.0
PERTH — The swans of the River Tay have agreed to suspend all hissing at tourists for a trial period of one month, in a breakthrough hailed as “the most important deal on the river since the bridge.”
Talks were led by a retired Bridgend man who has fed the swans frozen peas for years. “You don’t negotiate with a swan,” he said. “You listen. Then you give it peas. Then it listens. Then it hisses at you anyway. But less.”
The swans have demanded no bread (they know it’s bad for them), more peas, and a ban on selfie sticks within three feet. Tourism bosses described the deal as “the best news for visitor experience since the midges went on holiday.”
One swan was later spotted hissing at a cyclist, but officials said cyclists were “not covered by the treaty.”
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