Guest Column: I Am a Spaniel From Letham and I Would Like a Word About Thursday
With Bonfire Night four days away, the Perthetic hands the column over to a dog. He has strong views.
Our guest columnist, photographed in a rare moment of calm. Photo: Internet Archive Book Images, “The new book of the dog - a comprehensive natural history of British dogs and their foreign relatives, with chapters on law, breeding, kennel management, and veterinary treatment (1911) (14763604075)”, via Wikimedia Commons, No restrictions
Hello. I am a spaniel. I live in Letham. My human types this for me because I have no thumbs, which I have mentioned before, but nobody listens.
On Thursday, it will be Bonfire Night. Every year, the sky explodes. Every year, my human says, “It’s okay, it’s only fireworks.” Every year, I go under the bed and stay there until Sunday. This is not okay. It is only fireworks to you.
I have read (my human read it to me) that a town in Fife is having a drone show instead of fireworks, so dogs like Kaiser can enjoy the night. Kaiser is a lucky dog. I would also like drones. Drones are quiet. Drones make pictures. I could look at a drone shaped like a sausage and be very happy.
I am not asking for much. I am asking for silence, a sausage, and for the cat next door to be told off for something, anything.
Please be kind to your animals this week. Close the curtains. Put the telly on. Give them a chew. Thank you. That is all. Woof.
The real story: Perth and Kinross news (The Courier)
Letters to the Editor
The views expressed are those of the reader, and frankly that's on them.
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Bella would like to say she agrees with every word. And she’d like a sausage.
— Wendy H., Letham, 1 November 2026 -
Our cat says she’s fine with fireworks but she’s been under the bed since Wednesday, so I’m not sure I believe her.
— Ali R., Craigie, 1 November 2026 -
My Jack Russell barks at fireworks, the TV, the postie and the wind. The fireworks are the least of our problems.
— Tommy K., Perth, 1 November 2026
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