“Scotland's Finest News Source, Allegedly”
Met Office confirms wet and windy Friday after Thursday's 47-minute bright spells; residents 'relieved normality has been restored'.
'Bright spells' confirmed at 11.14am; residents report warmth on face, shadows, and 'a strange feeling I think was hope'.
Historic accord reached in a contraflow near Inchture after both cities' drivers spent four weeks staring at each other across a line of cones.
Council opens emergency sun centres as residents are urged to 'stay indoors, keep calm and locate their sunglasses, if they own any'.
Signals that stay red for empty streets, flash amber at nobody or simply go dark after midnight say they are 'entitled to a life'.
Proposed sister village asked to submit evidence of drizzle, midges and a tearoom that shuts at four 'before anything is signed'.
Engineers confirm plan will free up Broxden 'for the exclusive use of people who are lost'.
Officials barricade themselves inside council HQ with a 2019 budget, three staplers and the ceremonial Thimblerow swimming pool plans.