Breaking · Weather
Met Office Forecasts ‘Dry With Bright Spells’ for Thursday; Perth Declares a Major Incident
Council opens emergency sun centres as residents are urged to 'stay indoors, keep calm and locate their sunglasses, if they own any'.
Back Issue
Tuesday, 20 October 2026
World · Science
Scientists Find 57 New Species in a Deep-Sea Canyon Off Argentina; Perth Notes It Finds 57 New Potholes a Week
Sea cucumber nicknamed 'Loki' hailed as 'the most charismatic thing found in a hole since Dunkeld Road'.
World · Canada
Alberta Votes on Leaving Canada; Kinross-shire Quietly Asks for a Copy of the Paperwork
Breakaway tendencies across Perthshire 'taking notes, just in case'.
World · Science
Physicists Say the Universe May Be in ‘Cosmic Lockdown’; Council Asks to Be Consulted
A simplified model of a universe that won't move is welcomed in Perth as 'very relatable'.
World · United States
Trump Announces 15-Month Overhaul of Washington Golf Course; Perthshire Clubhouses Brace in Case He Notices Them
Greenkeepers 'quietly mowing and hoping not to be noticed'.
World · Space
Japan Launches Mission to Bring Back Bits of a Martian Moon; Perth Asks If It Could Do the Same for a Bus
Spacecraft will scoop samples from Phobos and bring them home, 'which is more than some services manage on a Sunday'.
Obituaries for Shops
The BANK OF SCOTLAND, Crieff (Formerly): Reborn as a Charity Shop, in What Experts Call ‘the Circle of High Street Life’
Building that once held the town's savings will now sell its second-hand jigsaws, which is basically the same thing.
Obituaries for Shops
The BANK OF SCOTLAND, Blairgowrie (on the 2026 Closure List): A Branch That Knew Your Name, Your Balance and Your Business
Survived by an app, a helpline and a cash machine with strong feelings.
Obituaries for Shops
The AUCHTERARDER HIGH STREET BUTCHER (Departed September 2026): Remembered for Its Sausages, Its Pies and Its Patient Explanations of Haggis
Town adjusting to a High Street where nobody asks 'and what else?' in that particular tone.
Obituaries for Shops
FRAMES, Victoria Street, Perth (1979–2026): Gallery and Framer, Whose Staff Have Found Happy New Homes
An obituary with a happy ending, which this column is unsure how to format.